Living in Limbo

In a coaching conversation this week, I was told “life is a series of limbo situations”. If this is your experience, it means you know that you have survived previous episodes of limbo. What did you lean on to get through then? How could that be useful now?

In the midst of this limbo we find ourselves in, where so much is uncertain, it may be helpful to focus on the truths we do know.

We do not know when the corona epidemic will be under control, but we know that this too shall pass. Uncertainty in whatever form is an unavoidable part of our lived experience. It is uncomfortable, but it ends eventually. Knowledge is given, wars and pandemics end, and we move on, all be it as changed people.

Worrying feels like you have some control but actually often reduces the energy you have to improve the situation. What is the likelihood that the worst outcome will happen? We’re not all statisticians but often we overestimate the worst scenario and underestimate the many other possibilities, and as a result spend a lot of energy imagining and preparing for the unlikely. If we focus on making good choices in the areas that we have some control over, it can increase our energy to broaden our circle of influence. What are your uncertainty triggers? Sometimes we find ourselves on an ever tightening thought spiral of worst-case what-if scenarios, but sometimes we are influenced by what we expose ourselves to – social media, negative focus of news stories, rumours, speculations, fake news, only communicating with anxious friends. Emotions are just as infectious as viruses! What triggers can you limit?

Let’s explore our emotions a little. We know that suppressing our emotions long-term can make the situation worse. Internalising anxiety and stress can make you physically and mentally ill. It may feel uncomfortable, but it is wiser to allow yourself to experience those difficult emotions and investigate what is going on beneath them. This is where you will find the clues to what it is you need to change. These may be uncomfortable growth points, but they have the potential of bringing you to a place of blossoming joy. But give yourself grace – it may feel quite overwhelming. Don’t isolate yourself in response, we are already distant enough from each other. Reach out to someone you trust to walk this road with you.

We know that when we are in the thick of the problem, we have a limited view of the situation. We cannot see all the possibilities there are, because our vision has become narrowed by uncertainty. A bird’s eye view can reveal a more hopeful perspective, but sometimes we need someone else to listen to us and help us zoom out. What would we think about our own situation if we were watching it on a screen happening to someone else?

Read More

In the zone

As adults we sometimes enthusiastically share our experiences of being “in the zone” or “in flow” – it’s a real blessing when we can say that those times are during our work time. We become unaware of time passing and the people around us, instead we feel really alive, loose ends seem to fall into place, and things are right in our world. When we come up for air, we feel we have achieved something really meaningful. When did you first feel this way – do you remember what you were doing?

I think one of the greatest learning opportunities for pre-schoolers happens when they are “in the zone”, so absorbed in playing that they become unaware of  their surroundings. As they become immersed in the activity in front of them, they inadvertently learn about size, colour, shapes, textures, differences & similarities, that objects fit into holes, what the world they inhabit feels like to their touch (and whether they like it or not), what effect they can have on their environment, how things fit together and don’t. On top of this, their brains have the opportunity to order their other daily experiences, and to assign some meaning to them.(Something we can all benefit from at this time!) Different kids have this experience with different activities. It can happen when children play with water, sand, mud, play dough, Lego, cars, dolls, building blocks, beads, crayons, books, paint, dress-up clothes, musical instruments, stones, kitchen utensils…It usually involves a child being drawn to a specific activity, and playing for some time on their own.

As parents we can feel pressurised to provide just the right kind of stimulation for our children to develop their perceptual skills, to read the right books to develop their language skills, to spend quality time with them to develop their emotional and relational skills…and all of these things are important. But sometimes our kids just need to be and not do something productive; to learn to entertain themselves, and not be entertained by us or a screen. How can we facilitate this?

Read More

Grumpy on Social Media?

As I browse through some conversations on social media, I am noticing that there seem to be a lot of grumpy people out there, taking things personally, and attacking each other at the slightest provocation. I am going to assume that most of us who are active on social media are part of the group of workers who are not able to return to work under level 4 rules, and are therefore still spatial distancing at home, and isolated from most of the people we usually socialise with.

Three stages of reaction to prolonged isolation have been identified, as “a first stage of heightened anxiety, a second stage of settling down to routine marked by depression, and a third stage of anticipation marked by emotional outbursts, aggressiveness, and rowdy behaviour.” 1

At this stage many of us are experiencing powerful emotions like anxiety, frustration, impatience and fear around what the future holds for us. It is easy to become caught in an ever tightening spiral of increasing tension, and this makes it so much easier to bite off somebody else’s virtual head. Anger feels so much more powerful than depression and fear. There may even be an element of addiction to it. Long-term, where are these angry outbursts going to take us? Do we really want to go there?

I think we need to give ourselves and each other a good measure of grace as we honestly ask ourselves some hard questions:

Read More

Joy in learning?!

With the lock down continuing longer than the school holidays, some of our children have already started schooling again. For others this is looming ahead. The possibility of a staggered return to school is being explored. For many of us as parents, our children’s schoolwork may feel like another burden we need to carry, another source of stress in our already busy, pressured lives. For others schoolwork will help to structure our family routine. For some this routine may feel boring. The question “how long this will continue?” hangs over us all. In these circumstances, the word joy does not seem to belong in the same sentence as learning. We know that schoolwork needs to be done, and for now this will be at home. Are there any choices we can make that will affect this situation? Let’s have a look at how we think about the subject…

Will you be schooling at home, non-schooling or home-schooling? To illustrate the difference I am sketching three exaggerated pictures.

The school at home picture is drawn with a ruler – lines, strict patterns and geometric shapes – taking the school structure and imprinting it on your home routine. The family gets ready for school as before. The only missing element is the school commute. School starts at approximately the same time as before. One subject follows the next. The time-keeping bell between periods rings in our heads. Perhaps there is an on-line teacher giving the lesson on zoom at a specific time. In other cases, the parent feels the pressure of morphing into a teacher themselves. Joy doesn’t have much space to grow here.

Read More

A clean slate

Today, if possible, start your lock-down home off on a “clean germ slate”. Clean the surfaces you often touch – doorknobs, handles, drawer knobs, window fasteners, light switches, taps, counters, fridge and oven doors, stove top controls, electrical equipment, phones, remote controls, hairbrushes, tooth brushes, water jugs, dustbin lids etc.

And as you do this, think about the people you are going to be sharing your space with for the next few weeks. What is necessary to wipe the relational slate clean? What do you need to forgive so that it does not infect your interactions?

Wash the clothes you wore during the last few days, clean your shoes, wash kitchen towels, hand towels, bath towels, bedding, clean the floors.

And again, think about the people you are living with. Where do you need to repent, and ask them for forgiveness? What relational work do you need to do to socially draw close to those now physically closest to you?

Wash your body and hair thoroughly.

Read More

What has happened to Diversity Dialogue?

In case you have been wondering what has happened to Diversity Dialogue, I have not disappeared, left the country or crept into a hole to hide in. I have put open Dialogues on hold for the first half of this year, with the purpose of becoming moderately fluent in Sepedi. I have tried for years to progress on this journey, but it so easily gets derailed by other important things. Now I have set myself a deadline, and need to dedicate a considerable chunk of time to it on a daily basis. This is one way that helps to find some time.

It seems to me a very good choice in how to use my time. I am passionate about social cohesion – people who are different understanding each other and becoming a more integrated team. This is why I started Diversity Dialogue…

There are usually about ten people at a dialogue once a month.

Read More

Responding, not reacting

On the subject of the Grantleigh artwork, let’s think a little about the storm of activity in response to the art exhibition; perhaps we can work out something useful about how to approach similar incidents in the future. We know there will be opportunities to apply our learning 🙂 I would like to suggest using the phrase “ThinkThruTalkThru” as a bit of a motto …

Let’s think: One of the things we should be asking ourselves is why exactly are we as Christians upset? Can we name the particular reason underneath our outrage, and underneath that, until we come to the core? Can we bring it before God honestly and ask – Is this an important truth or an idol we hold dear? Are we prepared for God to change us in this uncomfortable process? Are we taking a statement about society personally? Could we be taking something at face-value when it is meant as an abstract metaphor? Is there anything we can learn or apply from this trigger – what part of the message can we affirm? What part do we disagree with?

Read More

Hillcrest Diversity Dialogue

St Wilfrid’s Anglican Church is hosting an NNI Dialogue with Diversity Dialogue. Join us for a face-to-face dialogue – an opportunity to connect, listen, speak and build community with a diverse group. No topic is out of bounds. Please arrive on time so that the process is not disrupted, and if you can, please bring a plate of eats to share. RSVP to vera@tt-tt.co.za or whatsapp 0738676864

Randburg Diversity Dialogue

Family Life Restoration Church is hosting an NNI Dialogue with Diversity Dialogue. Join us for a face-to-face dialogue – an opportunity to connect, listen, speak and build community with a diverse group. No topic is out of bounds. Please arrive on time so that the process is not disrupted, and if you can, please bring a plate of eats to share. RSVP to Nhlanhla Zwane at 0789901031

Diversity Dialogue

The second Diversity Dialogue of the year, on 16 February, will be at a private house in President Park from 13.00 to 17.00. We will open with Blaque Nubon speaking on “The Gospel and Blackness”. Be sure to arrive on time so you do not miss this! After the talk, stay for an opportunity to connect, listen, speak and build community with a diverse group as we dialogue together. The exact topic of the dialogue will be decided by the people in the room on the day. Please bring a plate of eats to share. Hope to see you there! RSVP to Vera at vera@tt-tt.co.za to get the exact address.

Events Calendar

« May 2020 » loading...
M T W T F S S
27
28
29
30
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
css.php