How do we manage inconsideration in community and how do we improve?
Inconsideration was the topic chosen by the group on 8 December 2018.
Here are some comments made at the end of the dialogue – perhaps not always answers to the question, but certainly food for thought …
- “I believe that bullies get supported, no-one wants to escalate the situation and to avoid conflict, so we support the bully. If that’s the way we do things interpersonally, we are not going to change the broader picture in our country.”
- “Most fear is coming from men. If men are secure in their position, they will be more considerate to women.”
- “We need to change selfishness, where people are concerned with themselves and don’t do anything even when they hear screaming.”
- “Men are too concerned with what people think of them if they are considerate, wash the dishes, look after the baby, that other people will think they are weak, so they don’t demonstrate consideration to their wives.”
- “How can I love and be kind to those who are bullies? That’s what Christianity calls me to. To be kind to those who hate me.”
- “If you don’t respond to a bully, you feel weak and vulnerable. For years, black people were made to feel inferior, the right response would have been pride in who they are. But for years they were made to feel negative. Every time it’s another piece of their soul. I say, you do not get to define me or my response. They use shame to redefine me, whoever I am. The only way to respond to a bully is not to allow the bully to take another piece of your soul.”
- “For me as a Christian , when I am victimised, I am aware I may become a perpetrator. I do not want to come from a place where I say all men are dogs. I do have brothers who are not. I have met white people who are not racist. So my challenge is to be in a public space and to demonstrate kindness but also teach others to be kind to me. It also requires me to be very aware of where I am emotionally and psychologically and of how I am going to respond to that other person. I am not going to shout at you and shame you, but I am going to say that your behaviour is unacceptable.”
- “I think as a country we are stuck in that rut, where we say, these people only understand violence and we say, burn things down, shoot the boer, but it’s not a solution. Everyone becomes intractable in their position and there’s no progress.”
Looking forward to the next dialogue on 26 January at Christ Church Midrand from 12:30, with Roydon Frost speaking on “The Gospel and Whiteness” before we dialogue…